The first day of my trip comes to an end. While writing these words I am under the free sky, writing in my travel journal. I hear crickets and light laughter in the background. The only source of light comes from a candle that we put in an empty beer bottle Charles Bukowski style.
I am in the middle of nowhere with people who a day ago were almost strangers to me, we talk in the night about our feelings, our dreams but also about our insecurities and what we are afraid of.
When my friend who looks like a real-life version of Broly from the surfer’s movie point break asked me to join him and his friends on the canoe trip I first had some doubts if we would get along.
But lately, I try to be more spontaneous and decide stuff more by my “Hell yeah” or “F*ck No” philosophy.
Only a day has passed and this group already came together and speaks openly about topics that are important to us.
My friend and I exchanged crazy travel stories, stories where we had to bribe the police or had psychological breakthroughs while vagabonding.
2 stories stood out for me, one was my buddy telling a tale where he traveled through chile in his hippie bus with a big ass hallucinogenic cactus in the trunk and almost got caught by the police.
Another one was where I was so sh*tfaced that an angry mob of machete-wielding jakuzas wanted to get my a*s on an island in Thailand.
Travelers luck I guess. Funny how crisis and total disasters become funny later.
Today was our first-day canoeing, and I am blown away by the nature of the mecklenburgerische Seenplatte.
The combination of doing the same paddle movement for hours and letting your eyes discover an entire new world feels like meditation. It is unreal how fast you forget here about your own life, about your daily hassle, your must-dos, your obligations.
You unplug instantly out of your everyday trance. It fascinating to me that I was only a couple of hours of road tripping away from diving into a totally different world.
Being in the presence of such nature really makes you question your aspirations, your drives, your addiction to external validation because here everything works just fine without you. You feel small, but in a good way. Like, its ok, life will go on without you, and your problems are not the end of the world, so why stress so much.
After some hours of canoeing through the fairytale landscape, I feel like my arms will fall off soon, so we aim for an island where we can snack and take a swim in the lake. Swimming in a cold lake is really like somebody infuses you with a big portion of happiness and life.
As I swim there freely my friend yells”look a whale” and dives into the water in such a manner that his butt stands in the air still for a second and we get an incredibly deep insight into his rectal anatomy. There goes the romance I guess.
After some swimming, we sit down at the shoreline and snack something in the forest.
Being a psychology nerd, I tend to ask weird questions all the time. And we end up talking about talking about what relationship constructs we like and dislike.
Some of the group were all about monogamy, while others preferred something more poly. This really was fascinating to me, love is a big part of life, and having a custom made relationship model is somewhat of a necessity in my opinion.
The Price Of Being a Vagabond
I realize how many things I still have not figured out in my life right now, how unsure I am whether or not my path is the right one, and what the life of a vagabond will really cost me.
Some time ago I decided that for the current phase of my life it is not possible to have a traditional mono relationship. I felt that somehow life is going to take me on an adventure, and this adventure is for me, and for me only. In consequence, I broke up with someone who was very special to me. Being in nature really opens you up, and I realize that I am still grieving about that loss and that I have no clue how to deal with this.
I come to the conclusion that everything has its cost.
A decision for something is at the same time a decision against something else.
And some time ago when I realized that I am not the typical 9-5 person I didn’t think that that realization would come also with a price. It seems that my decision to become a vagabond is not only shaping my external life but also my inner one as well.
Being a nomad means to a certain point that your curiosity outweighs your settledness. You move on on from good things, from great things even, because you want to experience life as a whole.
And I realized that this philosophy will also bring me restlessness, pain, discomfort and even loneliness. As we talk in the forest with my new found friends about what we miss in love, I am eased by the fact that I am not alone in this human thing, and that to a degree we are all sometimes have no f*cking clue what we are doing. And that it is ok to feel lost sometimes. Crazy how everybody is living a life that is as complex as your own.
I know one thing however, that I have an entire planet and countless adventures ahead of me, and that maybe if search long enough I will eventually run out of things to mess up, and that at the end of my journey I will come up with a custom-made life, in which I find peace, maybe even partner in crime who has the values as me.
So fellow weirdos my message for you today is that you stop pretending like everything in your life is cool. Come to peace with the realization that life is not all great, and there things that just plain suck.
It is impossible to avoid pain and discomfort all the time, go deep and ask yourself what is bothering you right now.
Feeling pain and grieve sometimes is not abnormal, it is an indicator that you are a beautiful person who capable loving people and caring about stuff, and feeling sh*tty when it doesn’t work out for a bit is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of you being human.
Stop Bullsh*ting Yourself
On the contrary, on my podcast with Tash from Port Joana, we talked shortly about grief, and how it is more abnormal if you feel super happy when something happens to you that hurt you.
Incongruent emotional reactions like pretending you are not hurt when a relationship wasn’t working out, or you didn’t get that dream job is not a sign of strength, it is a sign that you are too hurt feel those emotions. Not giving in shortly to those emotions will only in you playing whack a mole with yourself. If you don’t deal with those emotions they will pop up somewhere else.
Those emotions if not lived out, will not go anywhere. Maybe you will overcompensate in work, you dive yourself into a new relationship with a person you really shouldn’t be with, for some it is drugs, for others it is depression.
Be 100% real with you guys, otherwise, you are bull shi*ting yourself.
It is time to sleep for me now, the candle is about to die, and tomorrow I got a new adventure ahead of me.
As always guys, thx for reading and go live a kick-a*s life.